well

at midnight, it would have been our one year anniversary. 

would have been.

and i absolutely hate the fact that i just used that in a past tense. 

i don’t know why i still think about you, but i don’t like the feeling sometimes.

i’m gonna go clean my room and forget the fact that i feel like shit.

goodnight.

i just want to take a cute scruffy guy out on a really cute date. too bad most gay guys only want sex :l

mother’s day.

today sucked except for when i went out to eat with my dad and stepmom. 

my real mom decided to cancel our plans, she always makes stupid excuses for herself and i’ve gotten so used to it, that i saw it coming. but why is it that i always get hurt every time? personally, i think its because i have too much faith in her and she always lets me down. 

the people i love the most always let me down the most.

i wanted to see you really bad today and last night and all day yesterday, but instead you chose other people. sure i overreacted but you have to see where i’m coming from. i wanted nothing more than to hang out with my bestfriend even if it were for just 5 mins since you live so far now.

all in all i learned something new today. always have low expectations, for everyone, no matter who they are. because in the end, no one gives a fuck about you but yourself. and its sad but its the truth. i’m becoming more and more selfish everyday and slowly realizing different things. whatever. 

i wish i was a wallflower and didn’t have friends. i wish i was more self-reliant. then i wouldn’t have to worry about anything or anyone. people are driving me to be a fucking sociopath. oh well, maybe it will benefit me in the long run. goodnight.